Time to Come Home

            I am trying to picture what it will be like to be back in the US—to drive on the right side of consistently smooth roads, to have access to a grocery store 5 minutes from my home, to have cold milk from the store, and to have all the comforts of family and friends close by. There are definitely things about Kenya that I will miss—the slower, more deliberate pace of life, the beautiful Rift Valley, the dorm boys and the Hildebrands, early morning walks with Jen, and the feeling of adventure and being involved in the work of the Lord. But, I do feel ready to go home. I’m ready to be with my family again and catch up on my friends’ lives.

            I want to be able to share and explain my experiences with everyone I love. I know that will be impossible. There are just some things that cannot be explained or understood unless the experience is mutual. I hope, though, that rather than have to explain and articulate everything that happened to me, everything that God revealed to me, that I would simply show a change in my actions and words and sentiments.

            I hope to show that I’m a more compassionate, understanding, and open person. You see, with traveling across the world and spending time in Africa, my mind has been opened to a variety of new thoughts and ideas. Things are not always how you think they ought to be, and that is not always wrong. So, when I come home, I hope to bring a changed, more open mind. In opening my mind, I might be more ready to understand people and their various experiences. I may think more outside the box and not be so critical, judgmental, or simply narrow-minded. Of course I do not want to become liberal and universal in my thinking, especially when it relates to morals and my relationship with God. But, if a person has a strong moral core and a prayerful relationship with God, then an open, compassionate mind towards others cannot easily lead that person astray. It can only help that person to be better in tune to others around them, their needs, and how they can be served.

            I also hope to come home and show my desire and growing hunger for God and for bringing Him glory. I came to Africa wanting to experience a challenge to my faith, wanting to see God do amazing things—and believe me, it is an amazing thing just to travel on a plane around the world. It takes much faith. I came here wanting that boost of growth and the necessity of relying on God every step of the way. What I’ve seen of God’s faithfulness and His love for me makes me excited for my future, for the ways that God is going to show up more in my life. I am no longer as worried about my life, about my schooling, and my life after school. I know that with everything that comes my way, God is in control and He will provide for me. Even if things are difficult and down right unpleasant, He is still taking care of me. I am excited for this stronger faith that God has grown inside me. I hope and pray that going back to the U.S. will not stop my growth, but will increase it.

            With those thoughts, I will close my blog for now. I may share some more stories that stand out as time goes on, but I am done for now. I am leaving Kenya in a matter of hours and heading back to life in the U.S. It is going to be an adjustment, but I am looking forward to all that God has in store for my future. I am SO grateful for this amazing opportunity that God allowed me to experience. I am grateful to you all for reading my blog and praying for me. It is through your prayers that I’ve been able to be carried through some of the challenging times of my stay in Africa.

            So, with a full heart of gratefulness, sadness, and anticipation, I leave you all on the blog only to reconnect in person in the near future! Thank you and God bless!

Reflections

            I have one more full day here in Africa. As my time here is drawing to a close, I am mentally preparing myself to return home. I am reflecting on all that I have learned and how much I’ve grown.

            I do know that, in coming here, I have gained a different view of the world and a broader view of what is good in life. Growing up in America is an interesting thing. I believe we have a wonderful country and I value the freedom we still have and the heritage that we represent. I do believe that God has had His faithful hand on us. We do have a downfall in comparing our country to other countries based off of our technological success and relative economic prosperity though. We think we are superior—and having such an expansive nation helps to perpetuate that idea. Having been in Africa for close to 3 ½ months now, I am changing my perspective a bit. I do think that the USA is extremely blessed with technology and material possessions and the utmost of convenience. But, I do not see that as a marker for superiority or entitlement. I have been exposed to quite different situations than those of Americans, and I am convinced that one cannot look down on a culture simply because they have a less wide spread of material and technological possessions. There are things at work that we cannot comprehend and there are needs that supersede the physical and material. Not discounting that we must reach out to those who are less fortunate, but there is a different forms of poverty. As it says in the book When Helping Hurts, America tends to see the lack of physical and material possessions of people, whereas the poor people themselves see the lack of respect, dignity, relationships, and emotional stability. Not everything is about “things.” It is about caring for the person holistically and treating the problem, not the symptom. I digress though because I really want to say that America is not the whole world. There are many other places and we cannot continue to think of ourselves so highly and then only see the bad in other places. “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” Matthew 7:3-5

            I also know that I have a clearer picture of what worldwide missions is all about. I have a greater respect for missionaries who are called to leave the comforts of their homes and learn to adapt to new cultures and environments to serve and spread God’s kingdom. There is really not much I can say because it is not something that can be easily explained or understood. Missionaries’ lives are hard for us to understand in America, where we enjoy every comfort and pleasure that life can offer. There is much to learn from their willingness to give up momentary comforts in order to work for the Kingdom, for which their rewards and fruits from their labors will last forever. I think we have become complacent and have lost some missions-mindedness in America. Here is a quote from Christianity Rediscovered, by Vincent J. Donovan, that I think illustrates this idea: “Missionaries looking at the church in America would be worried by what they see. Because what they see is a bad missionary situation Not just the sharp decline in active participation in church community and the draining away of the young, but a church life that is not much more relevant to the human life lived in the neighborhoods surrounding it than the mission compound was to the tribal life of the Africans.” I think we are seriously slacking in America. Why do we have so many churches and so little outreach, so little depth to our Christians, so little compassion and understanding for the needs of others?

            Those are just a few of the ideas that have been swimming inside my head. I do not know if I’ll ever be able to completely grasp and articulate everything that has occurred and all God has taught me from this experience—there is much more that I could tell, but it might take years for me to decipher it all. It has been a life-changing experience, with ups and downs, ins and outs. I am so grateful for this opportunity that God has given me. If anything, it has made me desire Him more, made me more aware of His work in my life, His faithfulness to me, and of my unworthiness of Him. It has made me hunger for more of Him and hunger for Him to more completely lead my life. I am but a sapling when it comes to faith and experience though. There is much more ahead!

His Grace Flows Deep

One night, I did dorm coverage and it was an eventful night!

                 

First off, the dorm boys get a snack during devotions most nights, which is not required. They are not always grateful for the snacks and it is frustrating when they do not appreciate the services and privileges that are given to them. Some of them can have a very entitled mentality. So, when there was grumbling that night about the snack, I was impatient and frustrated with it. During devotions, I took the opportunity to discuss this issue of how we need to be grateful, and content, and satisfied with what we have. The boys don't work for any of their food—whether eating in the cafeteria or the dorm. It is bought and prepared for them and they sit and eat it. They're not starving or on the streets or digging through a garbage pile. Snacks are a privilege, not a necessity. They can be taken away.

Rant over, I declared a minute of silence and stillness (yeah right), partly because of their squirminess and partly because I needed to figure out what passage of scripture I should talk about.

I quickly tried to look up something in the Bible to read that sort of connected to what we had been talking about but wasn't taking it too overboard (as I tried to ignore the fact that they weren't be still or quiet).

I stumbled upon the "lay up your treasures in heaven" passage in Matthew 6. I decided we could talked about what are treasures on earth and why don't we want to store them up and what are treasures in heaven etc. I thought it could’ve been more effective, but I wasn't super prepared and their questions take up quite a bit of time anyway.

The amazing thing is that even with my inadequacy, unpreparedness, and impatience, God somehow used that night to touch two of the boys' hearts.

As we were talking about storing up treasures in heaven and on earth, I explained how the things we do on earth matter in heaven. And when we go to heaven, all our deeds on earth are going through a fire. Some things will be burned up (the treasures we stored on earth), but the things that we did for God, through God, and with God's help, will remain (the treasures we stored up in heaven). Somehow through this conversation, one of the boys (Boy #1), who is quite sensitive, started to cry a little and said he was scared. He didn’t know if he was saved or not. I asked him if he's prayed to receive Jesus. Then I tried to comfort him and remind him of God's promises. There's nothing we can do to be separated from His love. Some of the boys were being distracting, so I don't know if he heard all of what I was trying to tell him.

I moved on and answered other questions and kept talking. Another boy (Boy #2), whose salvation has been uncertain, asked, "um, Ok. So, how do you, like, know if you're saved?" Because this was a loaded question, and there were two other hands raised, I told him to hold on a moment while I answered the other two questions, which happened to be ridiculous. Fed up with the others’ distractions and really wanting to give this question the attention it deserved, I sent everyone except this boy upstairs to brush their teeth and get in bed. Boy #1 decided to stay behind too. So, I talked to Boy #2, walking him through the steps of the gospel to see if he understood and believed those things (I didn't know if he wasn't saved or if he was doubting). Then I asked both of them if they'd ever prayed to receive Jesus' salvation. They both were unsure (talking to Bill and Jen later, they said they'd never gotten a clear testimony out of Boy #2, but Boy #1’s testimony had been pretty clear, so he may have just been in a time of doubting). So I said, "If you're not sure then do you want to pray right now?" They both said yes! So, I got to pray the sinner's prayer with two precious boys that night! Then I hugged them both and Boy #2 said he was going to write this day down somewhere so he could remember.

We went upstairs and I prayed with each room of boys and then I had to go tell Bill and Jen. We ended up having a long conversation about all that happened that night during devotions—the kids' unruliness and ungratefulness and the two boys’ prayers. While we were talking about the unruliness and ungratefulness, Boy #2 walked in (this was before I'd gotten to the part about his prayer) and said his shoulder felt weird, like something was popping out even while he was lying still. He said it didn't hurt, so Jen was going send him back to bed. But before she did, she asked if there was something else on his mind that was keeping him from sleeping. Like, was he good during devotions, were other people good, was he feeling guilty? So, I asked him, "Do you wanna tell her?" And he said a little bashfully, "So, today I wasn't sure if I was saved and then I just prayed with Aunt Meredith to be saved." It was amazing that God would cause him to get up and come to us and allow him to tell Bill and Jen about his salvation before I could tell them! Jen was able to talk with him a little more about it and answered a question that he had before he went back to bed. His question was, "What if I stop believing in Jesus and stop loving him?"

 

SO, that was what Jen would call a Beautiful-Ugly. Even though I wasn't feeling inspired by God, I had begun devos with being upset with the boys, and there was a lot of distraction because some of them were bouncing off the walls, God did a wonderful thing!! He spoke into the hearts of two boys, convicting them and causing them to accept Him and rededicate their lives to Him. What an awesome, gracious God! 

 

Tricksters

      
            I have loved living with a dorm of 5^th and 6^th grade boys. They are each unique in their own ways. They are sweet and funny! It’s so fun to get to know them! It is so cute when they call me Aunt Meredith!

            I have had the privilege of doing Dorm Coverage for the Hildebrands once a week. That's when their family gets some needed time together and I run study hall, devotions, and bed time.

            So, here is a funny story from the first night that I did Dorm Coverage.

            Study hall (designated homework time) didn't go so well that night. I'd been in charge of it before, but this night was somehow different because I was “supposed” to be in charge. Two of the boys were not being obedient and were distracting the others. That did not start the night off very well, but I was optimistic.

            After study hall is devotion time. I read Eph. 2:1-10 and Ps. 103. We talked about each idea and they had lots of questions. These verses point to God’s grace and our inadequacy to earn that grace. We are all sinners, but God chose to treat us in a way that we don’t deserve—to give us a chance to live the way he created us to live. He is willing to forgive us so that we could live out our purpose in life, to honor and glorify him through doing the good works he prepared for us.

            Also, God gives us so many beautiful blessings, like nature, RVA, dorm parents, yummy food, safety, technology, and much more. He gives these things to us and we rarely acknowledge that these gifts are from Him. Instead, we are prideful and feel like we deserve these blessings. We treat God as if he does not have a part in giving them to us. And we turn from Him in sin.

            So why do we divert back to our old habits and keep sinning? Why not walk in the grace of God and be thankful for what he's given us, showing our thankfulness through loving him and following his commands?

            God treats us in a way that we do not deserve—with grace and compassion. We do not have the same, godly instinct when people treat us badly—we want to treat them badly too. There had been talk amongst the boys about how other kids in the 6^th grade were not treating them kindly and there was a lot of conflict. So, I wanted to give them an idea of what their responses should be—not to retaliate and repay evil for evil, but to be gracious and forgiving. For, God has forgiven us much and we are trying to learn how to be like His Son.

            It took us a while to get through those verses. They are thoughtful boys, for the most part, but sometimes we would get off on tangents because of random questions they would ask. We talked and discussed each little thing about the verses, because they are pretty dense with a lot of concepts/metaphors/ideas that are hard to understand. These discussions led to other, deeper questions they'd ask and then I'd have to turn the conversation back to the topic because I didn't want to let them get sidetracked too much. Plus I wasn't prepared to answer some of their questions!

            Anyway, that is just the background information. The main part of my story is when I was putting them to bed. They are in 3 different rooms. The three goofiest boys are in the middle room. They like to joke around with me and be sarcastic. So, when I got to their room to pray with them, two of them were on their beds and the third was completely covered in his blankets and not moving.

            As soon as I walked in, I said, "Where's John?" Kyle said, "He's really mad." And Stephen said, "Yeah, Kyle said something to him..." As I was trying to cover Stephen up, I said, "What did you say, Kyle?" Kyle responded sheepishly, "uh...something not nice." I was remembering the devotion we’d just had about pleasing the Lord and treating others with grace, and said, "Well, that's disappointing..." I went to John under the covers and said, "John, please come out from under the covers; I know you can hear me." And when he didn't move I thought, "Man, he can't be THAT mad."

            So I moved the covers back and IT WAS A PILE OF PILLOWS!!!!!!!! John then emerged from the closet!!!!!! Hysterical laughter erupted from the boys and from me! I could not contain myself! I was laughing so hard! I walked out of the room and then back in and then dropped on the floor laughing! I can't believe I COMPLETELY fell for their trick!!!!! SO FUNNY!!! They were so happy that they had tricked me, and I was slightly embarrassed at being tricked. But it was so funny and it made my night! 

Safari Tales

            I can say that I have been camping in Africa! All four of the Titchie (elementary) dorms went on a campout one weekend. We drove about an hour and a half away from campus, down into the Great Rift Valley. The campsite that we stayed at was a dusty place surrounded by Acacia trees. I felt very African at this time because of the surroundings. We set up camp and then had dinner, which consisted of roasted hotdogs wrapped in bread dough, carrot sticks, and chips. We also roasted marshmallows for s’mores and sang songs around the fire. When we went to bed it was a bit chilly, but we were fine with our layers and warm sleeping bags. During the night, some people heard hyenas running through the campsite, but I didn’t hear anything.

            The next day, we went on a safari walk to the nearby Crater Lake. We walked around the edge of the Crater, which used to be a volcano. About half of the crater is made up of the lake; the other half is vegetation. We went down the other side of the Crater and walked around the dry, brown land looking for animals. We were fortunate to see lots of interesting ones—zebras, giraffe, dik-dik, warthogs, impala, waterbucks, and even a fox! It was amazing! After our walk, we went back to the campsite, ate lunch, packed up and left.

            On our way back to RVA, we stopped at another lake. From the road, the lake looked as though the water coming up to the shore was all pink. It was covered with thousands of flamingos! We were blown away! It was amazing to see them all and to see them fly out in mass over the water. It was like a domino affect. One row of flamingos would start flying out and then another and another. There was also a dull roar of honking coming from the enormous group—they were so loud when they are all together that you could not even hear the boat that was on the water start up its engine.

            I was not able to get great pictures from the campout. The following pictures are actually from a different little excursion I took with some ladies to a place called Crescent Island. It’s actually a peninsula, but you take a little motorboat across part of Lake Naivasha and see hippos in the water. Then you dock at the peninsula and walk around with a guide. If you are stealthy, you can get pretty close to some of the animals! Actually, I think the animals are just used to people walking around because this particular area is one of the most densely populated areas of animals in Kenya. Therefore, it gets quite a bit of tourist attention and they have even filmed movies there.

Package Arrival!

Mom, you're the best!

Life is Beautiful-Ugly

            After the women’s retreat, I made my way to RVA (the Rift Valley Academy) and I started to get settled in. It took a while for me to get plugged in because I wasn’t assigned to a specific position. But I found ways to help out with the Titchie (elementary) classrooms and office, the administrative offices, babysitting for young moms, and any other needs that arose.

            Now, I have been living at RVA for over a month and a half. I have been able to be productive and serve—in small ways and larger ways. I have felt completely at peace about being here and I have learned much from the people around me. I have come to feel at home and comfortable here.

            God has blessed me by letting me live with the Hildebrands (my former youth pastor, his wife, their four boys) and their seven 5-6^th grade dorm boys. I have been so blessed to get to spend time with this family, learn what it’s like for them to live in Kenya and hear their heart and their love for their boys and their ministry.

            Uprooting a family and moving to a new continent is an intense and difficult endeavor—it is a huge sacrifice! There are sacrifices that each of us must endure in order to follow God’s call on our lives. After all, Jesus gave up his heavenly throne in order to humble himself, become a man, and endure everything a human endures. Plus, He bore the sins of the world and died an excruciating death. Now THAT is sacrifice. And are we not called to “take up [our] cross and follow Him”(Lk. 9:23)?

            Jesus’ sacrifice, although it was painful, brutal, and ugly, brought about the most beautiful redemption and salvation for mankind! In the same way, the sacrifices we make for God are trade-ins for more beautiful outcomes. In coming to Africa, I sacrificed time at school, time with friends and family, money, and more. Other people, like the Hildebrands, sacrificed much more than that—they committed their lives to live here and be far away from family and everything familiar and comfortable. It’s like discovering how to live again!          

            Although their sacrifice was great, this family has seen the purposes for which God called them here. God has rewarded them by allowing them to serve and work in a larger community of believers and see God's hand in many circumstances. They have relied on God through many difficult situations, and God has shown himself faithful and has shown them that His plan is greater than anything they might think is good. It's all about TUST. Can we trust that, even when we are going through hard times, God is in control and He has our best interest in mind?

            I have learned to call this concept a “Beautiful Ugly,” (a phrase coined by a lady here at RVA) and it applies to many things that we face in this life. Although a situation may seem so terrible, a sacrifice may seem too great, a task may seem too large, and life may just be plain ugly sometimes, God is working beauty into the ashes, the ugliness, and the confusion. There are great rewards for doing what God calls you to do and for relying on God through the difficult things in life.

            So, no matter what you face in your life—from the small inconveniences of daily life, to the life-altering changes that God calls you to make, to the tragedies that rock your foundation—God is working a greater plan for your life. He knows the purposes that He has and they will result in beauty and grace and growth! TRUST HIM!

 

Steven Curtis Chapman knows what it means to live this out in a very real way because of the tragic death of his daughter. Here is a song he wrote that exemplifies what I’m talking about.

"Beauty Will Rise"